I'm wandering through my life, not inspired by my work, wondering what it's about. Is there a tipping point? When you go from being a spectator, learning about stuff, doing stuff the way you are told, to becoming a teacher, teaching people? Am I there already?
I asked for a change of role so I got to learn about a new side of my organization, there is stuff to be learnt there but I haven't dived in yet. I'm yet to immerse myself in that learning experience, if you will. I'm doing some lawyering for them and am not sure if the lack of enthusiasm and inspiration is just because I've not been immersed in the learning, or because there is very little learning to be immersed in here. So... I'm waiting and watching to see how this evolves. I'm also a tad overworked as I continue to do my old role, though for a week now, I have had the ability to hand it over, I just haven't. This week I'll get that done.
And then there's my family life. Or lack thereof. We're in some kind of a rut, SO and I. I'm very happy with him, he's being a fabulous partner, but we've not made any progress on children. Which means my day to day life is very very lonely. This, the loneliness, hit me a little earlier today. I realised I have a great life, but an extremely lonely one, with apparently no scope of improvement, because we're not moving forward towards children or pets or anything. I could go to office more (I work from home a lot) or socialize with more people in the complex where we live. I could, but I really don't want to. Maybe I need a few more friends in my life? The reason I'm not thinking too hard about making new friends is because it's a temporary thing. SO is currently working on some projects with weird timings. He comes home well past midnight each day, basically arriving and leaving on the same day. This is apparently going to continue for another month or so, and may also include a trip for work. My working day is pretty much in my own time zone, so I have to start in the morning and am done by evening. When SO is not on weird projects, he's home by 8:00 p.m. and we have an evening together. I know I will always want to spend time with SO, so I'm not sure I want to start finding friends or things to do in the evening when I'll have to stop that as soon as SO has free time again.
Am I unhappy with myself? Only in the sense that I'm not able to change this situation. But I don't really want to. SO is being good and kind, we're being friendly and nice to each other. There is real love here, just a constant feeling of what next, and this realisation that my daily life is very lonely.
I think I've to find a joy in cooking, so I'll have a more fun time in the evening with myself and not poison myself by eating badly otherwise (no inspiration for meals for one).
I asked for a change of role so I got to learn about a new side of my organization, there is stuff to be learnt there but I haven't dived in yet. I'm yet to immerse myself in that learning experience, if you will. I'm doing some lawyering for them and am not sure if the lack of enthusiasm and inspiration is just because I've not been immersed in the learning, or because there is very little learning to be immersed in here. So... I'm waiting and watching to see how this evolves. I'm also a tad overworked as I continue to do my old role, though for a week now, I have had the ability to hand it over, I just haven't. This week I'll get that done.
And then there's my family life. Or lack thereof. We're in some kind of a rut, SO and I. I'm very happy with him, he's being a fabulous partner, but we've not made any progress on children. Which means my day to day life is very very lonely. This, the loneliness, hit me a little earlier today. I realised I have a great life, but an extremely lonely one, with apparently no scope of improvement, because we're not moving forward towards children or pets or anything. I could go to office more (I work from home a lot) or socialize with more people in the complex where we live. I could, but I really don't want to. Maybe I need a few more friends in my life? The reason I'm not thinking too hard about making new friends is because it's a temporary thing. SO is currently working on some projects with weird timings. He comes home well past midnight each day, basically arriving and leaving on the same day. This is apparently going to continue for another month or so, and may also include a trip for work. My working day is pretty much in my own time zone, so I have to start in the morning and am done by evening. When SO is not on weird projects, he's home by 8:00 p.m. and we have an evening together. I know I will always want to spend time with SO, so I'm not sure I want to start finding friends or things to do in the evening when I'll have to stop that as soon as SO has free time again.
Am I unhappy with myself? Only in the sense that I'm not able to change this situation. But I don't really want to. SO is being good and kind, we're being friendly and nice to each other. There is real love here, just a constant feeling of what next, and this realisation that my daily life is very lonely.
I think I've to find a joy in cooking, so I'll have a more fun time in the evening with myself and not poison myself by eating badly otherwise (no inspiration for meals for one).
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