I have had a relaxing few days, when I understood a few more things about how I operate. About how I like to work and how my mind reacts to stress. Also, about how I destress. I am planning a trip at the end of this week. A trip which could include the SO, but probably will not. Just because I want some time and space from him. I want to go, and be, and do, and not worry about hurting his feelings or being hurt by him. This feels weird. Perhaps an ongoing symptom of me having worked myself out of 'loving' feelings for him?
With regard to work as well, I realise why I have had such a challenging year. I personally, like to get a lot of information, to immerse myself in the issue before I take decisions or action. It is just the way I work best. I also get best results when I do this, as it means I have given the issues some thought, teased them out, etc.. In past roles, I had the time to do this. In the past year, I have had a couple of serious challenges:
1. New subject matter and regulatory dealings;
2. Many things going on at the same time;
3. Requiring other people to do things;
Usually, I would take time to get to know the new subject matter and consult with experts, but because of 2, I couldn't take too much time. And I discover I am terrible at 3. I am also bad at project management and prioritisation, so 2 also felt the impact.
I realised all this over the course of last night, which is very relieving in itself, because it means I can work this stuff out, and more importantly, explain to my boss.
Another epiphany I had is about men and sex. This is a little random, but I think I have a good understanding now about the confusion that occurs around consent/rape. The expounding of this requires some assumptions as follows:
1. Given a choice, men will take an opportunity to have sex;
2. Regular men (the standard human being) will want to know that the woman is consenting to sex.
The challenge is, and this is especially true in countries where people do not openly talk about sex, when is the woman saying 'yes' to sex? If you believe movies, it's one thing, if you believe your peers, it's another. However, there is only one clear answer, it is when she says 'yes'. So, if at any point she says 'no', then there is no consent.
Even though this proposition is clear and simple, the world is neither. So boys and girls are brought up to be unclear about consent. Girls are told if you talk to a boy he'll think you're saying yes. Or in less extreme cases, if you talk to a boy about sex, he'll think you are consenting to sex with him. Similarly, assumptions about the clothes you wear, the way you smile, talk, laugh, eat, drink ... just about anything a woman does is proscribed, because it could give the man an idea that the woman is agreeable to having sex with him.
So what is the epiphany? It is that we (women) are trained to keep men at a distance, because they are not clear on when we are saying 'yes' to sex, and given a choice, they will take the opportunity. Which makes Indian women rather unfriendly to men, which is strange, as we are warm and friendly people, but realistic.
With regard to work as well, I realise why I have had such a challenging year. I personally, like to get a lot of information, to immerse myself in the issue before I take decisions or action. It is just the way I work best. I also get best results when I do this, as it means I have given the issues some thought, teased them out, etc.. In past roles, I had the time to do this. In the past year, I have had a couple of serious challenges:
1. New subject matter and regulatory dealings;
2. Many things going on at the same time;
3. Requiring other people to do things;
Usually, I would take time to get to know the new subject matter and consult with experts, but because of 2, I couldn't take too much time. And I discover I am terrible at 3. I am also bad at project management and prioritisation, so 2 also felt the impact.
I realised all this over the course of last night, which is very relieving in itself, because it means I can work this stuff out, and more importantly, explain to my boss.
Another epiphany I had is about men and sex. This is a little random, but I think I have a good understanding now about the confusion that occurs around consent/rape. The expounding of this requires some assumptions as follows:
1. Given a choice, men will take an opportunity to have sex;
2. Regular men (the standard human being) will want to know that the woman is consenting to sex.
The challenge is, and this is especially true in countries where people do not openly talk about sex, when is the woman saying 'yes' to sex? If you believe movies, it's one thing, if you believe your peers, it's another. However, there is only one clear answer, it is when she says 'yes'. So, if at any point she says 'no', then there is no consent.
Even though this proposition is clear and simple, the world is neither. So boys and girls are brought up to be unclear about consent. Girls are told if you talk to a boy he'll think you're saying yes. Or in less extreme cases, if you talk to a boy about sex, he'll think you are consenting to sex with him. Similarly, assumptions about the clothes you wear, the way you smile, talk, laugh, eat, drink ... just about anything a woman does is proscribed, because it could give the man an idea that the woman is agreeable to having sex with him.
So what is the epiphany? It is that we (women) are trained to keep men at a distance, because they are not clear on when we are saying 'yes' to sex, and given a choice, they will take the opportunity. Which makes Indian women rather unfriendly to men, which is strange, as we are warm and friendly people, but realistic.
