One thing I prided myself on, was not needing to worry about money. In my working life so far, money had come to me when I needed it, and usually as much, or more than I needed. I have had managers who were appreciative of my efforts and skills, and were communicative of it.
I now find myself in a situation where money is becoming a bit of a challenge, as I need to plan for education for my child, and potentially other living arrangements. I also have a manager who claims to be appreciative of my efforts and skills, but appreciation does not extend to financial incentives. My organization recently underwent a salary revision, ostensibly company-wide, but I was not considered. Not because I was not eligible, but because my boss did not think I needed one. When I questioned this, she seemed to suggest that I am not doing enough.
That has cut me to the quick. After the hurt subsided, I am now dealing with the anger, and the accompanying lack of motivation. I genuinely believe I have gone above and beyond, working at every available opportunity, sometimes on weekends. By nature, I do not complain, and until now, I have not had to ask for a raise or a promotion because it seemed obvious that I deserved one.
According to SO, the challenge might be in my boss's attitude as much as it is in my lack of outward communication of what I do. This may be accurate as well, but it is outside my control, so, is it worth considering?
The reason I need to blog about this, where I tend not to blog about work, is because I remain very angry. So angry, that I'm not interested in doing any of the work that I have accepted already. I am, similarly, not inclined to take on new work. I know this about myself, I thrive with recognition, even if it is not public recognition. I need my boss/manager to pat me on the head and say I've been a good girl. I am now old enough to stop with this attitude.
I need to grow up in this area and decide whether I'm going to do the work to a level satisfactory to me, and have it out with my boss, or I'm going to have it out with my boss about how this has impacted me, and that I'm not sure that I can continue working even to the level that I have so far.
I need to be clear and practical about what I can realistically manage. To be pragmatic about the demands I am placing on myself, and how sustainable they are. And then communicate this to my boss transparently. If this means my ratings suffer, or that I am not considered for future promotions/hikes, so be it. Because to me, it will mean that I'm putting my health and family first.
Just to be clear, what I have done in the past year, definitely since June 2017, is to put this job first. I've relocated my son (granted, he is happier), relocated my family, and worked at every available opportunity on week days. I count socializing with work colleagues as working, because it is not 100% socializing, it involves building a culture and sharing experiences and guidance.
Can I say with objectivity, that my boss has been unfair? I don't know, because I cannot see anybody else's experience. I cannot force her to share information about anybody else, nor do I want her to. I realise my fundamental mistake is in not realising (a) that she doesn't have any benchmarks to evaluate whether I get paid appropriately for the market here; and (b) I don't know what kind of communication she expects about what I do.
Doing work... this one I have to figure out. I cannot compromise my health and sanity, and I need to understand whether this team values my intellectual pursuits at all or not. If they do, then I'm ready to continue contributing them. If not, I'm willing to do that work for me, and not share with the team. Will that change my visible contribution of work? Probably not, but it will make things much more bearable for me. To constantly feel I am not doing enough is not working for me.
What can I do about it? Earlier this year, I spoke to my boss about going back to part-time. That worked for her and for me (though I needed more money). If I can go back to part-time with the current expense model, which will force more saving and less guilt/more rest, I should be better. Why does the less guilt/more rest matter? Because when I'm tired or sad, I eat. And this 'eating' involves ordering food, which is not cheap. It's a vicious cycle, but one that I know I can nip in the bud, if I'm smart about how I manage. I need to speak to SO about this, because it will impact our financial situation, but at this point, it's probably best for all of us. If I officially work only 6 hours a day, then I have time to cook/exercise during the day. It makes me less on edge around the child, as I don't have more tasks to complete when he's around. It also means I can relax a little regarding evening calls, so will be more relaxed when he goes to sleep.
Is this the 'fair' outcome? I don't think so, but I'm willing to put off fairness for now, focussing instead on what is best for my family and I, and how we can get through the next year, when the child will be old enough for school, so another new set of parameters will need to be adjusted to.
Thank you for listening, dear blog! I'm glad I'll always have you!
I now find myself in a situation where money is becoming a bit of a challenge, as I need to plan for education for my child, and potentially other living arrangements. I also have a manager who claims to be appreciative of my efforts and skills, but appreciation does not extend to financial incentives. My organization recently underwent a salary revision, ostensibly company-wide, but I was not considered. Not because I was not eligible, but because my boss did not think I needed one. When I questioned this, she seemed to suggest that I am not doing enough.
That has cut me to the quick. After the hurt subsided, I am now dealing with the anger, and the accompanying lack of motivation. I genuinely believe I have gone above and beyond, working at every available opportunity, sometimes on weekends. By nature, I do not complain, and until now, I have not had to ask for a raise or a promotion because it seemed obvious that I deserved one.
According to SO, the challenge might be in my boss's attitude as much as it is in my lack of outward communication of what I do. This may be accurate as well, but it is outside my control, so, is it worth considering?
The reason I need to blog about this, where I tend not to blog about work, is because I remain very angry. So angry, that I'm not interested in doing any of the work that I have accepted already. I am, similarly, not inclined to take on new work. I know this about myself, I thrive with recognition, even if it is not public recognition. I need my boss/manager to pat me on the head and say I've been a good girl. I am now old enough to stop with this attitude.
I need to grow up in this area and decide whether I'm going to do the work to a level satisfactory to me, and have it out with my boss, or I'm going to have it out with my boss about how this has impacted me, and that I'm not sure that I can continue working even to the level that I have so far.
I need to be clear and practical about what I can realistically manage. To be pragmatic about the demands I am placing on myself, and how sustainable they are. And then communicate this to my boss transparently. If this means my ratings suffer, or that I am not considered for future promotions/hikes, so be it. Because to me, it will mean that I'm putting my health and family first.
Just to be clear, what I have done in the past year, definitely since June 2017, is to put this job first. I've relocated my son (granted, he is happier), relocated my family, and worked at every available opportunity on week days. I count socializing with work colleagues as working, because it is not 100% socializing, it involves building a culture and sharing experiences and guidance.
Can I say with objectivity, that my boss has been unfair? I don't know, because I cannot see anybody else's experience. I cannot force her to share information about anybody else, nor do I want her to. I realise my fundamental mistake is in not realising (a) that she doesn't have any benchmarks to evaluate whether I get paid appropriately for the market here; and (b) I don't know what kind of communication she expects about what I do.
Doing work... this one I have to figure out. I cannot compromise my health and sanity, and I need to understand whether this team values my intellectual pursuits at all or not. If they do, then I'm ready to continue contributing them. If not, I'm willing to do that work for me, and not share with the team. Will that change my visible contribution of work? Probably not, but it will make things much more bearable for me. To constantly feel I am not doing enough is not working for me.
What can I do about it? Earlier this year, I spoke to my boss about going back to part-time. That worked for her and for me (though I needed more money). If I can go back to part-time with the current expense model, which will force more saving and less guilt/more rest, I should be better. Why does the less guilt/more rest matter? Because when I'm tired or sad, I eat. And this 'eating' involves ordering food, which is not cheap. It's a vicious cycle, but one that I know I can nip in the bud, if I'm smart about how I manage. I need to speak to SO about this, because it will impact our financial situation, but at this point, it's probably best for all of us. If I officially work only 6 hours a day, then I have time to cook/exercise during the day. It makes me less on edge around the child, as I don't have more tasks to complete when he's around. It also means I can relax a little regarding evening calls, so will be more relaxed when he goes to sleep.
Is this the 'fair' outcome? I don't think so, but I'm willing to put off fairness for now, focussing instead on what is best for my family and I, and how we can get through the next year, when the child will be old enough for school, so another new set of parameters will need to be adjusted to.
Thank you for listening, dear blog! I'm glad I'll always have you!
