Ongoing Learning

I was not an organized child, I grew up trying to be careful and now, rarely misplace keys, wallets, phones etc. In short, I thought I had 'become' careful. Of late, I'm learning that I am not. I had forgotten to do a couple of important things at work, I've lost some tax papers, and I'm really angry with myself. I had thought (and I still hope this is true) that I would not lose anything important. That I'd find stuff when I need it, though it may not always be in the most logical or even accessible place. And yet, here I am. I've lost records of my having filed tax returns for 3 years. I had these original acknowledgements, and I have lost them. I feel extremely foolish and angry. I have got to be smarter about this stuff. Keeping track of electricity bills and credit card statements (which I actually have) is one thing, but keeping track of personal documentation (i.d. proof, tax filings, voters registration etc.) is much more important and I've been to lax about these. Something was bound to give, and something has. Again, I'm still hopeful that the papers are in some non-logical, difficult to access place (mainly because I rarely throw things) but I'll now have to plan how to manage this going forward. Given that more and more documents are now in electronic form, I'll have to do some serious thinking.

Perspective

So, SO has a friend, she was a very good friend for a while, but now that they are in different cities, the friendship is a little less close. She got married late last year and SO didn't go. Today is SO's birthday and she called or messaged to wish him. In that process, she also revealed that she's currently not with her husband, because he is insane! Those are not her words, they're mine, and I'm trying hard to be rational or neutral about this, but I have this urge to slap the man very hard! He found a wonderful, sensible woman, who had a good life going, they decided to get married, and then he found 'differences in their position'. Basically, he figured he and his family are too good for her and hers. I have insufficient detail, but understand that it's about finances. She's basically not as rich as him and he doesn't like it. He knew this when he met her, he knew this before they got engaged, but it didn't matter enough then. What pisses me off is two things (a) that he did nothing about this before marriage; and (b) that he's even letting this bother him! She is professionally qualified, in a good job, has been moving up a career ladder, it's pretty safe to assume that in her life-time, she will be upwardly mobile. So, while she may not have grown up with as much money as him, and maybe that affects the way she views options (like where to eat, where to shop, where to live) but I don't see that as a bad thing. Maybe his way of seeing things is not appropriate either! Clearly he sees this as an issue and chose to be insulting about her and hers. Why this really upsets me is because I'm a trained lawyer, and this is an injustice that our legal system should be able to address, to the extent that it makes a violent example of this man, so that others will think twice about behaving this way. Yet, given the state of our legal system, and my current occupation, I cannot do anything. I feel very strongly for her, and wish I could speak to her, but I doubt I will. I hope that they will get some counselling, and if they make it, that he'll learn that money is a very inadequate measure of personality or potential. Why this post is called 'Perspective' though, is because I'm in a situation where I've to think carefully about my relationship with SO. We're grappling with the question of children and it seems more and more, that only one person's preference will be fulfilled. Not like there's a real choice there, one of us wants children, the other doesn't. There is no middle ground. Which forces me to think about what I want (ostensibly, children) and what I really want (children with SO?), and what I really really want(SO in my life?). We've had a variety of stresses over the last year and a half, mostly related to the frustration of the fighting over children, and I lost sight of SO, the person that he is and what he does for me. In counselling, I'm forced to consider who I am because of who he is, and I'm a much nicer, more balanced person than I would be, if he wasn't himself, or wasn't around. I can say again that I love him very much. He's a good man, and both those words hold a world of meaning. He's good in the way that I love (and would want any man that I love to be), and a man in they way that I love. Which means, that I'm trying to choose between a person that I love and respect and (when things are going normally) want to spend my life with, and the potential of having a child. It is that simple isn't it? But when things are going horribly (as they have been for a while) then I have nothing. I have a man who I dislike intensely, and no potential of having a child. The correct answer, is to wait for the end of counselling before I decide anything, I will also, look at other opportunities to get my kid-fix. Maybe volunteering, or working with a day-care, or baby-sitting for a neighbour, or some such, so I spend time around children.