I went for a counselling session myself today. The counsellor asked to see me, to see how I'm doing and what I'm thinking/feeling. When I thought about this discussion before hand, I became overly emotional, the way I had at the beginning. The way I get when I think about all the things the SO doesn't do. I went to meet her, thinking that I'm going to stay in a relationship that is not fulfilling because I don't really see any other option. He's not enough, but he's good and nice etc.
She helped me see a fact, which is that SO is not a proactive human being, he's content to let stuff happen, whereas I'm very much the type to make something happen. I may not have always been this way, but I am now. And the SO may not have always been the way he is now, but he is. And I can accept and work with this, or keep asking him to change this, and he will not. The key point being, once you accept that someone is reactive, then if they want to be a part of a solution, they want a plan. They want to know what they need to do, and they'll do it.
What she asked of me today, is whether I am willing to take the decision, the decision for us to be parents. Once the decision is taken, then the steps are pretty self-explanatory. I've been fighting this step, because it's a big decision and I did not want to take it alone. As I said to her, it feels like I am alone in all these big decisions with SO and me. That said, what does it really mean? That I say to him that if he's against it, he speak up, else I'm going forward and he shows up for appointments and provides paperwork/samples. Right now, this feels imminently doable.
Being with SO in a 'neutral' frame of mind, I know that we'll be good parents. He'll be a good father and seeing him be a good father will make me like him and respect him more.
Interestingly, this is the most positive I've felt in a long time. Now to go talk to the SO about this.
She helped me see a fact, which is that SO is not a proactive human being, he's content to let stuff happen, whereas I'm very much the type to make something happen. I may not have always been this way, but I am now. And the SO may not have always been the way he is now, but he is. And I can accept and work with this, or keep asking him to change this, and he will not. The key point being, once you accept that someone is reactive, then if they want to be a part of a solution, they want a plan. They want to know what they need to do, and they'll do it.
What she asked of me today, is whether I am willing to take the decision, the decision for us to be parents. Once the decision is taken, then the steps are pretty self-explanatory. I've been fighting this step, because it's a big decision and I did not want to take it alone. As I said to her, it feels like I am alone in all these big decisions with SO and me. That said, what does it really mean? That I say to him that if he's against it, he speak up, else I'm going forward and he shows up for appointments and provides paperwork/samples. Right now, this feels imminently doable.
Being with SO in a 'neutral' frame of mind, I know that we'll be good parents. He'll be a good father and seeing him be a good father will make me like him and respect him more.
Interestingly, this is the most positive I've felt in a long time. Now to go talk to the SO about this.
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