Aastha!

This morning I was watching Swami Ramdev expound about Pranayama. The endless benefits of it and how it cures almost every disease known to man. Then he took off on how women have no right to give birth to disabled children. Like one would choose to have a disabled child. I don't remember the exact detail but I know that he blamed the disability on the mother's lack of proper breathing. Maybe it's just a for of political correctness, but I felt very offended at his claiming that the disabled are any less than the fully abled. I understand if it's mental disabilities but most physical disabilities are overcome by the person concerned. How dare he suggest that the disbled have no right to live? It's all rather horrifying. Fortunately this man is not yet right wing fundamentalist, but is he far away from being that? I'm not so sure. It's a short step from where he is and I'm expecting him to take it fairly soon.

In other news, yesterday was 59 months and mid-April will be 5 years. 5 whole years. One of those 'questions' emails recently asked whether I've ever loved someone so much that I cried. Everybody I sent it to that replied said yes. I can't wrap my head around that. I love you so much that I cry? I've loved several people and dogs so much that things they do or their mortality made and makes me cry, but not just that I love them so much. I guess I've never been moved by the enormity of the emotion. I've always believed that love is overwhelming and overpowering. You're supposed to be awestruck by what you feel. And once you expect that, you won't be taken by surprise and won't be moved to tears.

Or maybe it's just me. When my dog was quite young... like 5 years old or so, I would cry because I knew that one day he would die. It helped then that he was still alive and I could be nice to him. Looking back, I'm glad that I mourned a bit when he was alive becase I wasn't around when he died. My absence is not something I'll be able to forgive myself for, but I'm very philosophical that way. It's past and nothing I can do can change that. Even then, there was nothing I could do. I could have booked tickets to return earlier but when I booked my tickets he was fine. And he died the day before I returned. The irony always upsets me, but as I said, nothing can/could be done.

Similarly with SO. From time to time I used to imagine that we would break up and naturally cry several buckets. Every time I've come close to breaking up, I can see what a mess I'll be if it happens and know that the preemptive mourning will help me not lose it altogether.

Confused and rambling? Always!