Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Way Cool!
If you happened to be bored enough of avoiding work hard enough, you might have run into this on Rediff today. Consider if you will... that Subhash Ghai's lowest point is Yaadein, Vidhu Vinod Chopra's is Kareeb, Ramesh Sippy's is Zamaana Deewana... and Maniratnam's is Yuva!
Monday, March 20, 2006
Aastha!
This morning I was watching Swami Ramdev expound about Pranayama. The endless benefits of it and how it cures almost every disease known to man. Then he took off on how women have no right to give birth to disabled children. Like one would choose to have a disabled child. I don't remember the exact detail but I know that he blamed the disability on the mother's lack of proper breathing. Maybe it's just a for of political correctness, but I felt very offended at his claiming that the disabled are any less than the fully abled. I understand if it's mental disabilities but most physical disabilities are overcome by the person concerned. How dare he suggest that the disbled have no right to live? It's all rather horrifying. Fortunately this man is not yet right wing fundamentalist, but is he far away from being that? I'm not so sure. It's a short step from where he is and I'm expecting him to take it fairly soon.
In other news, yesterday was 59 months and mid-April will be 5 years. 5 whole years. One of those 'questions' emails recently asked whether I've ever loved someone so much that I cried. Everybody I sent it to that replied said yes. I can't wrap my head around that. I love you so much that I cry? I've loved several people and dogs so much that things they do or their mortality made and makes me cry, but not just that I love them so much. I guess I've never been moved by the enormity of the emotion. I've always believed that love is overwhelming and overpowering. You're supposed to be awestruck by what you feel. And once you expect that, you won't be taken by surprise and won't be moved to tears.
Or maybe it's just me. When my dog was quite young... like 5 years old or so, I would cry because I knew that one day he would die. It helped then that he was still alive and I could be nice to him. Looking back, I'm glad that I mourned a bit when he was alive becase I wasn't around when he died. My absence is not something I'll be able to forgive myself for, but I'm very philosophical that way. It's past and nothing I can do can change that. Even then, there was nothing I could do. I could have booked tickets to return earlier but when I booked my tickets he was fine. And he died the day before I returned. The irony always upsets me, but as I said, nothing can/could be done.
Similarly with SO. From time to time I used to imagine that we would break up and naturally cry several buckets. Every time I've come close to breaking up, I can see what a mess I'll be if it happens and know that the preemptive mourning will help me not lose it altogether.
Confused and rambling? Always!
In other news, yesterday was 59 months and mid-April will be 5 years. 5 whole years. One of those 'questions' emails recently asked whether I've ever loved someone so much that I cried. Everybody I sent it to that replied said yes. I can't wrap my head around that. I love you so much that I cry? I've loved several people and dogs so much that things they do or their mortality made and makes me cry, but not just that I love them so much. I guess I've never been moved by the enormity of the emotion. I've always believed that love is overwhelming and overpowering. You're supposed to be awestruck by what you feel. And once you expect that, you won't be taken by surprise and won't be moved to tears.
Or maybe it's just me. When my dog was quite young... like 5 years old or so, I would cry because I knew that one day he would die. It helped then that he was still alive and I could be nice to him. Looking back, I'm glad that I mourned a bit when he was alive becase I wasn't around when he died. My absence is not something I'll be able to forgive myself for, but I'm very philosophical that way. It's past and nothing I can do can change that. Even then, there was nothing I could do. I could have booked tickets to return earlier but when I booked my tickets he was fine. And he died the day before I returned. The irony always upsets me, but as I said, nothing can/could be done.
Similarly with SO. From time to time I used to imagine that we would break up and naturally cry several buckets. Every time I've come close to breaking up, I can see what a mess I'll be if it happens and know that the preemptive mourning will help me not lose it altogether.
Confused and rambling? Always!
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
:D
My cousin is pregnant!! She's a year younger than me and has recently got married for the second time and is pregnant! :) She'll become a mother by the end of this year.
What did I tell you about the baby boom? Is it my turn now?
What did I tell you about the baby boom? Is it my turn now?
Sorry?
Is it strange that the world is just chugging along? There have been bomb blasts in what is one of Hinduism's most sacred spots and my colleagues and I didn't even discuss it at lunch. Shortly after 9/11 I was fascinated by how paranoid Americans had become. A majority believed that being in a public space might expose them to a terrorist attack.
In India, we have bomb blasts every day. True they're mostly in areas known to have insurgent activity but there are actually lives lost to violence every day. When did this stop affecting us? How come it doesn't afect me at all? Is it cause human life is fairly cheap in India? How is it that violence doesn't shock? Isn't that a warning sign? Shouldn't we be concerned that we're all able to shrug off terrorist acts and death... just?
I just read a live jounal maintained by a guy who was my classmate for 1 year. Somewhat a friend... about ten years ago. He'd written about the Babri Masjid demolition. Earlier this week, a panel concluded that the fire that sparked off the Gujarat riots was accidental. Did any of us really feel that the Babri Masjid demolitions and the riots in Gujarat or any communal riots were justified?
When people that we all know, reasonable, sane people, argue that the policies of the government are 'appeasing' in nature, what do we do? Does the majority owe a duty to the minority? I believe we do. In any society, the laws and policies should attempt to protect the weakest, because they can't protect themselves. Call it a colonial hangover, but where an underdog is left to fend for itself 'it's just not cricket.' So where does that leave us?
As a country, India is not really multiracial though we would like to be able to discriminate on this ground as it appears more legitimate than a pure colour test. What we are is multi-cultural and... I guess heterogenous is the word I'm looking for. Hindus from one part of India may have very little from Hindus in another, except that they may be from the same caste. I guess what I'm trying to do is identify why we're able and willing to discriminate against Muslims. Are they so obviously different?
You could argue that all Muslims dress alike but then... so do most Indian Hindus. So do most Chinese. In advanced Muslim countries, western clothes are as popular as they are in Western countries. So dress cannot be the reason. What then?
I don't have an answer. Muslims are ... Muslims. They're not Hindus but they're Indians. Strangely enough I had this discussion with a friend of mine in Singapore. Of late, Singaporean Muslims have adopted styles of dress that are... odd for the climate. Her explanation was that people are generally worried because no other religion owes it's allegiance to a specific region. Hindus in the US don't claim that they will support all Indian causes. But would many Muslims in India (free of any fear of retribution for an honest reply) answer that they're not Indian?
If they would, the problem is much much larger. If they wouldn't, then are policies that promote their welfare wrong? The examples cited to me were grants for poor Muslims to go on the Haj. Why don't poor Hindus get such grants? Becuase their politicians don't care. I met a Hindu lady corporator once who explained that her ward contained Muslim slums but they're supportive and she's managed to work with them and improve the conditions they live in. So basically, if your politician cares about your real problems, religion cannot be an issue.
I've rambled on a lot, I know. I'm stunned at my own apathy about the blasts and quite worried that there will be a backlash of a horrific nature. All we need is for some report to be released claiming it's the work of Islamic terrorists and some short-wearing, lathi-weilding hysteria. I'm hoping though, that enough people will be able to tell the overgrown schoolboys where to shove it.
In India, we have bomb blasts every day. True they're mostly in areas known to have insurgent activity but there are actually lives lost to violence every day. When did this stop affecting us? How come it doesn't afect me at all? Is it cause human life is fairly cheap in India? How is it that violence doesn't shock? Isn't that a warning sign? Shouldn't we be concerned that we're all able to shrug off terrorist acts and death... just?
I just read a live jounal maintained by a guy who was my classmate for 1 year. Somewhat a friend... about ten years ago. He'd written about the Babri Masjid demolition. Earlier this week, a panel concluded that the fire that sparked off the Gujarat riots was accidental. Did any of us really feel that the Babri Masjid demolitions and the riots in Gujarat or any communal riots were justified?
When people that we all know, reasonable, sane people, argue that the policies of the government are 'appeasing' in nature, what do we do? Does the majority owe a duty to the minority? I believe we do. In any society, the laws and policies should attempt to protect the weakest, because they can't protect themselves. Call it a colonial hangover, but where an underdog is left to fend for itself 'it's just not cricket.' So where does that leave us?
As a country, India is not really multiracial though we would like to be able to discriminate on this ground as it appears more legitimate than a pure colour test. What we are is multi-cultural and... I guess heterogenous is the word I'm looking for. Hindus from one part of India may have very little from Hindus in another, except that they may be from the same caste. I guess what I'm trying to do is identify why we're able and willing to discriminate against Muslims. Are they so obviously different?
You could argue that all Muslims dress alike but then... so do most Indian Hindus. So do most Chinese. In advanced Muslim countries, western clothes are as popular as they are in Western countries. So dress cannot be the reason. What then?
I don't have an answer. Muslims are ... Muslims. They're not Hindus but they're Indians. Strangely enough I had this discussion with a friend of mine in Singapore. Of late, Singaporean Muslims have adopted styles of dress that are... odd for the climate. Her explanation was that people are generally worried because no other religion owes it's allegiance to a specific region. Hindus in the US don't claim that they will support all Indian causes. But would many Muslims in India (free of any fear of retribution for an honest reply) answer that they're not Indian?
If they would, the problem is much much larger. If they wouldn't, then are policies that promote their welfare wrong? The examples cited to me were grants for poor Muslims to go on the Haj. Why don't poor Hindus get such grants? Becuase their politicians don't care. I met a Hindu lady corporator once who explained that her ward contained Muslim slums but they're supportive and she's managed to work with them and improve the conditions they live in. So basically, if your politician cares about your real problems, religion cannot be an issue.
I've rambled on a lot, I know. I'm stunned at my own apathy about the blasts and quite worried that there will be a backlash of a horrific nature. All we need is for some report to be released claiming it's the work of Islamic terrorists and some short-wearing, lathi-weilding hysteria. I'm hoping though, that enough people will be able to tell the overgrown schoolboys where to shove it.
Monday, March 06, 2006
Baby Boom?
As I knew he would, SO read the last post. I fought with him the day before I blogged, about the same stuff. How was he to know that it didn't go away but hung around in cyberspace. I'm sorry dear. I know it upset you.
I wish I could say it's all hunky dory now and we're shiningly happy. We're happy. I'm quite happy, but I won't' be completely happy till we're together. And even then... it'll take a while to get used to being together again.
This year is baby filled in my life. A cousin of mine had a baby last week, a colleague of mine the week before that. Another colleague has announced that he's going to be a father in September this year. If I cared to think about it... I'm almost certain that a number of children are born in the vicinity of 9 months from their parents' wedding anniversary. But let's not speculate too much :)
Again I got to thinking about how I'd like to have a kid and that even if I do it'll be only 4 years from now. I'll be 33 at the very least. By the time my kid is old enough to learn to cycle, I may not have the energy to keep up. One could go into whether it's fair to have a kid under those circumstances but one won't. One will say that there are several children in this world already and by the time one is financially and socially ready to have a child, one will consider the mode.
SO, one is very sorry :)
I wish I could say it's all hunky dory now and we're shiningly happy. We're happy. I'm quite happy, but I won't' be completely happy till we're together. And even then... it'll take a while to get used to being together again.
This year is baby filled in my life. A cousin of mine had a baby last week, a colleague of mine the week before that. Another colleague has announced that he's going to be a father in September this year. If I cared to think about it... I'm almost certain that a number of children are born in the vicinity of 9 months from their parents' wedding anniversary. But let's not speculate too much :)
Again I got to thinking about how I'd like to have a kid and that even if I do it'll be only 4 years from now. I'll be 33 at the very least. By the time my kid is old enough to learn to cycle, I may not have the energy to keep up. One could go into whether it's fair to have a kid under those circumstances but one won't. One will say that there are several children in this world already and by the time one is financially and socially ready to have a child, one will consider the mode.
SO, one is very sorry :)
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Of Swollen Eyes and Lingering Sighs
One of the perils of a long distance relationship is that one doesn't get enough sleep. This week, for the most part I've been sleep deprived and not cause of the relationshp. I think it's a change of weather. It's getting hotter and for some reason, that's been throwing my sleep off. So though I'm in bed for about 7 hours, I just don't feel I've slept enough.
This morning it was an immense struggle to get myself out of bed and into the world. Since my commute to work is roughly an hour in the morning, I sleep on the bus as well. I got off the bus and met a colleague of mine who though I've got a really bad cold cause my eyes are swollen :)
Well I do have a cold... but nowhere near that bad.
Another weekend approaches and I'm not very sure what I want to do. Last weekend (and the one before that) I wanted to go out very badly. Just to hang out in some public space and soak in the world. My workmates though, didn't have any plans, my friends... I met on Saturday night and had quite a good time actually. But somehow it wasn't enough.
Lately it seems like nothing is enough. My work's going well but my house isn't clean enough, I don't cook enough, I don't spend enough time with family, I don't save enough... I guess the list could go on forever. Basically I'm feeling unfulfilled and I'm not sure why. Is it a lack of exercise or hobbies? Is it a lack of anything outside work and house? But that's not true. I do watch movies and read books. I do have several friends and read the newspaper and stuff.
Maybe it's that my world is closing in around me. My world is finally, just me. I've thought about this before and known that I don't really have the skills to deal with this. When I just have to think about myself, I become fairly selfish. That doesn't leave much room for anybody else in my space except as guests. That visit for a limited duration and leave. They can impose on my personal space but it's clear that they're imposing. Before this, SO was also a part of my personal space. In fact, it was our space. Now, no longer. I did know this would happen, subconsiously. Known it since I started working and earning and doing up the house the way I want. Considering it's my house and I'm the only one that's going to live in it for a while longer, it's only fair. But then my personality includes this space. And I find it difficult to have another personality in the same space. Does this make sense? Guests don't impose their personalities on the house. They visit, maybe admire, and leave. SO would definitely do more than that. I didn't think it would be so hard for me. For a year I shared spaces with other people but I guess it was different. While I shared a flat, my room was mine alone. When I shared my friend's flat (without paying rent) even if I didn't appreciate the arrangement, I did nothing cause it wasn't mine. I'm not sure how I'll react if SO wants to change something or move something around.
Though, to be fair to him, it's not like he wants to do anything to the space. He may suggest other arrangements and stuff but that's not the area of concern. It's that firtly the space will be shared and no longer just mine, and secondly... his quirks. I guess over time I've forgotten how to adjust to quirks. When he visited me, it was nice exept for when I got irritated by the quirks. I know it's my fault. He is who he is and I've to accept that. I guess what freaks me out the most is that I won't want to accept the quirks.
I remember telling him sometime last year to marry me as soon as possible as I may not want to get married later. As time goes by this possibility grows stronger. Its not that I don't want to get married at all, just that I've forgotten what it was like when we were together or why I was anxious to get married to him in the first place. Sure it would be nice to have him around but I'm forgetting how to talk to him and how to be with him. Is it my fault? Definitely. I live in the here and now. I guess I've always know that distance is difficult for me but I've no real idea of what to do. The situation that exists now has to continue for another year and a half. How do I keep myself 'engaged' for this time? What if I can't?
At least now I know why I have lingering sighs...
This morning it was an immense struggle to get myself out of bed and into the world. Since my commute to work is roughly an hour in the morning, I sleep on the bus as well. I got off the bus and met a colleague of mine who though I've got a really bad cold cause my eyes are swollen :)
Well I do have a cold... but nowhere near that bad.
Another weekend approaches and I'm not very sure what I want to do. Last weekend (and the one before that) I wanted to go out very badly. Just to hang out in some public space and soak in the world. My workmates though, didn't have any plans, my friends... I met on Saturday night and had quite a good time actually. But somehow it wasn't enough.
Lately it seems like nothing is enough. My work's going well but my house isn't clean enough, I don't cook enough, I don't spend enough time with family, I don't save enough... I guess the list could go on forever. Basically I'm feeling unfulfilled and I'm not sure why. Is it a lack of exercise or hobbies? Is it a lack of anything outside work and house? But that's not true. I do watch movies and read books. I do have several friends and read the newspaper and stuff.
Maybe it's that my world is closing in around me. My world is finally, just me. I've thought about this before and known that I don't really have the skills to deal with this. When I just have to think about myself, I become fairly selfish. That doesn't leave much room for anybody else in my space except as guests. That visit for a limited duration and leave. They can impose on my personal space but it's clear that they're imposing. Before this, SO was also a part of my personal space. In fact, it was our space. Now, no longer. I did know this would happen, subconsiously. Known it since I started working and earning and doing up the house the way I want. Considering it's my house and I'm the only one that's going to live in it for a while longer, it's only fair. But then my personality includes this space. And I find it difficult to have another personality in the same space. Does this make sense? Guests don't impose their personalities on the house. They visit, maybe admire, and leave. SO would definitely do more than that. I didn't think it would be so hard for me. For a year I shared spaces with other people but I guess it was different. While I shared a flat, my room was mine alone. When I shared my friend's flat (without paying rent) even if I didn't appreciate the arrangement, I did nothing cause it wasn't mine. I'm not sure how I'll react if SO wants to change something or move something around.
Though, to be fair to him, it's not like he wants to do anything to the space. He may suggest other arrangements and stuff but that's not the area of concern. It's that firtly the space will be shared and no longer just mine, and secondly... his quirks. I guess over time I've forgotten how to adjust to quirks. When he visited me, it was nice exept for when I got irritated by the quirks. I know it's my fault. He is who he is and I've to accept that. I guess what freaks me out the most is that I won't want to accept the quirks.
I remember telling him sometime last year to marry me as soon as possible as I may not want to get married later. As time goes by this possibility grows stronger. Its not that I don't want to get married at all, just that I've forgotten what it was like when we were together or why I was anxious to get married to him in the first place. Sure it would be nice to have him around but I'm forgetting how to talk to him and how to be with him. Is it my fault? Definitely. I live in the here and now. I guess I've always know that distance is difficult for me but I've no real idea of what to do. The situation that exists now has to continue for another year and a half. How do I keep myself 'engaged' for this time? What if I can't?
At least now I know why I have lingering sighs...
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