I do not know what it is, but I am not able to relate with the SO anymore. I am torn up inside, but it seems like the only thing I want to do is to kick free and rise to the surface. I don't even understand what this means, but that is the image I have.
Can it be that we have both drifted very far away from a relationship? That we have got comfortable living our own lives, intersecting only when we have to, not even wanting more? If that is the case, why am I so angry? Part of the anger is because if this is the case, I want out. But I know that is a hellish option. SO will not let me out, he'll promise again that everything will be different, that he'll do whatever it is I want, but it won't last.
I don't even want to try anymore, I just want out.
The worst though, is that I have been here before as well, but I've always relented. Said let's give it another shot, for a few days/weeks, things are better. Then we flounder again, and I'm sick of floundering, or of being the one responsible for keeping this thing going.
I've been here before as well, expressed exhaustion at dragging this relationship along.
I don't know what to do, and apparently what works is distraction, getting involved in someone else's life/story. So I'm going to watch movies, read books, read random blogs and maybe consider meeting a therapist again.
Can it be that we have both drifted very far away from a relationship? That we have got comfortable living our own lives, intersecting only when we have to, not even wanting more? If that is the case, why am I so angry? Part of the anger is because if this is the case, I want out. But I know that is a hellish option. SO will not let me out, he'll promise again that everything will be different, that he'll do whatever it is I want, but it won't last.
I don't even want to try anymore, I just want out.
The worst though, is that I have been here before as well, but I've always relented. Said let's give it another shot, for a few days/weeks, things are better. Then we flounder again, and I'm sick of floundering, or of being the one responsible for keeping this thing going.
I've been here before as well, expressed exhaustion at dragging this relationship along.
I don't know what to do, and apparently what works is distraction, getting involved in someone else's life/story. So I'm going to watch movies, read books, read random blogs and maybe consider meeting a therapist again.
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