There was a wedding in SO's family last weekend. I know the groom well and his wife is not Indian, so his family had some trouble with the concept. I'm the first girl in this generation of wives, who is not from their community, so I had a sense of what it would be like for her, and did reassure them, that the family is a good one. All well meaning and kind, they want to welcome, just that some of them don't have the words.
It's been a rough time with the SO and I told myself earlier that I'd let February go by completely, not let the bad days be deciding days. I thought that by the end of the month, I'd have a sense of whether I can let him go. The thing is, on the good days, he still won't do anything about having babies. On the bad days... To his credit, he is trying. He is kinder to me and slightly better at putting himself aside when I want something. But then came the wedding. The hardest part of this relationship for me, is that we know each other so well. We can live a very comfortable life without the relationship, but then what's the point, and what about babies?
The reason the wedding even features, is because now, 5 years into the marriage, I am as much a part of his family as he is. Whether it was because the family was trying harder for the foreign bride, or because the children in the family have grown older, more people spoke English now than at the time of my wedding. So that was more convenient and comfortable for me. Also, I've learnt enough of their language to communicate if I have to, but more importantly, to understand conversation without needing translations. In short, to be able to communicate. What this means is, that I actually cannot leave him. This entire family will understand if I say I have to, because he doesn't want children, but that's not the point. I can't actually leave them. So that's one decision made.
Personally, this wedding was ... special. Not because of the wedding, or the family piece, but because of one boy. He's a first cousin of the groom, so his father is SO's cousin. He's 20. I've seen pictures of him and thought he was hot. When I met him, I thought I'd be able to harmlessly lust after him, as some side entertainment at this wedding. He, on the other hand, began teasing me - asking me to serve him more/specifically etc., then being around me a lot, complimenting the way I looked, looking at me, for me a lot of the time. I was flattered. I still am. He made me feel very special. He's 16 years younger than I am, so I've no idea what he intended to do, and in typical fashion, am agonizing about just that. What did he mean, why did he ... This part of the post is my attempt to let go of the thinking and enjoy the way he made me feel. Very special. Thank you boy!
It's been a rough time with the SO and I told myself earlier that I'd let February go by completely, not let the bad days be deciding days. I thought that by the end of the month, I'd have a sense of whether I can let him go. The thing is, on the good days, he still won't do anything about having babies. On the bad days... To his credit, he is trying. He is kinder to me and slightly better at putting himself aside when I want something. But then came the wedding. The hardest part of this relationship for me, is that we know each other so well. We can live a very comfortable life without the relationship, but then what's the point, and what about babies?
The reason the wedding even features, is because now, 5 years into the marriage, I am as much a part of his family as he is. Whether it was because the family was trying harder for the foreign bride, or because the children in the family have grown older, more people spoke English now than at the time of my wedding. So that was more convenient and comfortable for me. Also, I've learnt enough of their language to communicate if I have to, but more importantly, to understand conversation without needing translations. In short, to be able to communicate. What this means is, that I actually cannot leave him. This entire family will understand if I say I have to, because he doesn't want children, but that's not the point. I can't actually leave them. So that's one decision made.
Personally, this wedding was ... special. Not because of the wedding, or the family piece, but because of one boy. He's a first cousin of the groom, so his father is SO's cousin. He's 20. I've seen pictures of him and thought he was hot. When I met him, I thought I'd be able to harmlessly lust after him, as some side entertainment at this wedding. He, on the other hand, began teasing me - asking me to serve him more/specifically etc., then being around me a lot, complimenting the way I looked, looking at me, for me a lot of the time. I was flattered. I still am. He made me feel very special. He's 16 years younger than I am, so I've no idea what he intended to do, and in typical fashion, am agonizing about just that. What did he mean, why did he ... This part of the post is my attempt to let go of the thinking and enjoy the way he made me feel. Very special. Thank you boy!
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