I dind't want to come to work today cause I had a bit of a mishap on Friday. I realised that I'd missed something and it caused some ripples. It's all been smoothed over, mainly because there's a lot at stake here, but I woke up this morning, severely depressed about work. The thing is, that I missed some little stuff, and some big stuff. Overall, it was something that I thought was going well, but at the end of it, I'm totally depressed! It's not turned out the way we needed though the people I've worked with on it are sort of ok with it.
In general, my enthusiasm for work is zero today and I'm just afraid. I usually get like this after making mistakes at work. Afraid to do anything for a while in case I get something wrong. I mostly know that I won't get the day to day stuff wrong, but the fear is still quite crippling. I could have chosen to work from home, but didn't because I thought I should come to the office - for the soothing company of other people. Except, there's nothing soothing about it at all. There are many people, all of whom are busy, so there's a lot of noise. I'm feeling very jumpy, overwhelmed.
Added to this is that SO returns in the middle of the night today. I've missed him terribly, but this trip has been awful in terms of communication. We've spoken maybe 10 times through the trip and exchanged very brief emails. It may be that the trip itself was short and though I was at home, there was stuff going on, but I'm slightly pissed. Probably exacerbated by excessive stress at work, leaving me feeling very alone.
Oddly, work has been very 'rewarding' with great news on bonus and awards... I guess I've been working very hard without realising it, and now it's catching up with me.
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