I can't believe I'm messing up as much as I am. Two things that I'm dealing with show signs of going horribly wrong. In each of them I have excuses but they're just that ... excuses. I should have been more careful in the first place. I'm very worried about myself now. Usually I make a mistake, I go through hell for a while and then I recover confidence. In these two... I really don't know what to say. One is a horrible horrible mistake, but with some finger pointing I can get through it. I don't want to engage in finger pointing as it serves no purpose. I'd much rather just grovel. I fully plan to as well. Grovel till I can go no lower. Fortunately the people I'm working with have been supportive to some degree. They also have to face the flack for this and we're all in together - sink or swim.
The problem is that these mistakes have shaken me quite badly. I don't want to do any more work for fear of what I'll miss. I know that I'm not incompetent. I also know that I am not stupid. But when I make mistakes, they're not missing full stops or bad capitalization. They're things that make people very angry. They make me very nervous because they're mistakes. They're not wrong decisions that I took. I can live with those also. I thought about something and got it wrong... somewhat scary. But I just got something wrong? Way scarier!!
Just now I discovered that there are some other mistakes with regard to the same piece of work. Not mistakes I made, as I asked questions and got the wrong answers. But I guess this means that next time I will not ask questions with regard to that. I'm very horrified with the mess I'm in.
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