I love football as a sport, it requires extreme athleticism and extreme teamwork. At present though, I am feeling like a football.
In some ways, a football has only one job, to get passed from foot to foot (or occasionally hand) for about 100 minutes per game. I am currently being passed from foot to foot, while being expected to continue performing my daily tasks, at the same level of efficiency and quality as always.
I am slightly surprised by how much this has thrown me. Let's try to unpack.
On Thursday, 20th September, 2018, my boss announced that I was being moved to a different team. There was no news on who I'd be moving to, or what I would do in this new team. I made some assumptions, and was slightly angry that my input was not sought in this process. I understood, but I was not happy. The move was announced on Friday 21st September, 2018, with some more announcements about which team I would go to and who I'd be reporting to. Some comfort there, it seemed like a vote in favour of my capabilities. There were some grey areas/gaps, but I was comfortable that I was being taken care of.
On Monday, 24th September, 2018, I realised that I saw things a little differently than the reality, and thought that with my current boss's support, we can get there. I tried to get to speak to my current boss, but was fobbed off to a later date. I was disconcerted, but carried on with some activities related to the move. All the activities seemed like they made sense, had good feedback, and I asked again, to speak to my boss regarding the activities. I was given a hearing on 28th September, 2018 (which went very well with regard to the activities) and informed that, once again, I would be changing managers. Again, I understand, but am now seriously disturbed.
Why am I disturbed? I have a list, which we may work through:
1. I have a very full plate;
2. I need time to process change, and I'm having changes flung at me, without any space to process them;
3. I do not know whether my new manager will be as receptive to my need for flexibility and my style of operations as my old manager (not interim manager, who knows nothing about this) will be, which makes me afraid for my role in the organisation;
4. I do not know what is expected of me;
5. I feel seriously disrespected, in that my inputs were not sought, not once, but twice, and there is an underlying assumption that I will be fine with it.
6. I work best when I feel appreciated. I can be underpaid and overworked and I will still deliver, as long as I know that my work is appreciated. All of this leaves me feeling that my work is not appreciated, or that I'm being taken advantage of.
7. When I feel unappreciated, or taken advantage of, I lose motivation to work. Because my primary motivation is to be told I'm doing a good job.
I feel like a tightly wound spring, and I need to uncoil because I'm not able to cope with my son, a child, who will one day have to learn to cope with this stuff himself. Why?
It feels like the answer is that my coping mechanisms are as follows:
1. Withdraw into myself;
2. Identify the source of the discomfort;
3. Evaluate measures to deal with said discomfort;
4. Deploy measures to deal;
This takes time and space, which I lack during the work week, because - life. SO has been incredibly supportive this weekend, allowing me the time and space I need to make my peace with my life at present.
I'm now at Stage 3 - evaluate measures to deal. The measures that I'm adopting are:
1. Remember that there's a team looking to me for direction on how to react. If I react poorly, they will react poorly;
2. Remember that I do not need this job. It is a job, and it is work, I have set my life up in a way that means I can quit the job, and not find myself flat on my face;
3. I want to be professional enough to complete all tasks well, because that's the standard I hold myself to, irrespective of what the organisation expects of me;
4. I need to prepare talking points to highlight my discomfort to the organisation, so that the next time they embark down this path, they do not treat someone like me, the way they have treated me.
In short, at present, I have the upper hand and moral high ground. I can take the high road, because that's who I am, but I must also call out what I perceive as disrespect, so that the organisation is also held to a higher standard.
As always, thank you blog, for listening!
In some ways, a football has only one job, to get passed from foot to foot (or occasionally hand) for about 100 minutes per game. I am currently being passed from foot to foot, while being expected to continue performing my daily tasks, at the same level of efficiency and quality as always.
I am slightly surprised by how much this has thrown me. Let's try to unpack.
On Thursday, 20th September, 2018, my boss announced that I was being moved to a different team. There was no news on who I'd be moving to, or what I would do in this new team. I made some assumptions, and was slightly angry that my input was not sought in this process. I understood, but I was not happy. The move was announced on Friday 21st September, 2018, with some more announcements about which team I would go to and who I'd be reporting to. Some comfort there, it seemed like a vote in favour of my capabilities. There were some grey areas/gaps, but I was comfortable that I was being taken care of.
On Monday, 24th September, 2018, I realised that I saw things a little differently than the reality, and thought that with my current boss's support, we can get there. I tried to get to speak to my current boss, but was fobbed off to a later date. I was disconcerted, but carried on with some activities related to the move. All the activities seemed like they made sense, had good feedback, and I asked again, to speak to my boss regarding the activities. I was given a hearing on 28th September, 2018 (which went very well with regard to the activities) and informed that, once again, I would be changing managers. Again, I understand, but am now seriously disturbed.
Why am I disturbed? I have a list, which we may work through:
1. I have a very full plate;
2. I need time to process change, and I'm having changes flung at me, without any space to process them;
3. I do not know whether my new manager will be as receptive to my need for flexibility and my style of operations as my old manager (not interim manager, who knows nothing about this) will be, which makes me afraid for my role in the organisation;
4. I do not know what is expected of me;
5. I feel seriously disrespected, in that my inputs were not sought, not once, but twice, and there is an underlying assumption that I will be fine with it.
6. I work best when I feel appreciated. I can be underpaid and overworked and I will still deliver, as long as I know that my work is appreciated. All of this leaves me feeling that my work is not appreciated, or that I'm being taken advantage of.
7. When I feel unappreciated, or taken advantage of, I lose motivation to work. Because my primary motivation is to be told I'm doing a good job.
I feel like a tightly wound spring, and I need to uncoil because I'm not able to cope with my son, a child, who will one day have to learn to cope with this stuff himself. Why?
It feels like the answer is that my coping mechanisms are as follows:
1. Withdraw into myself;
2. Identify the source of the discomfort;
3. Evaluate measures to deal with said discomfort;
4. Deploy measures to deal;
This takes time and space, which I lack during the work week, because - life. SO has been incredibly supportive this weekend, allowing me the time and space I need to make my peace with my life at present.
I'm now at Stage 3 - evaluate measures to deal. The measures that I'm adopting are:
1. Remember that there's a team looking to me for direction on how to react. If I react poorly, they will react poorly;
2. Remember that I do not need this job. It is a job, and it is work, I have set my life up in a way that means I can quit the job, and not find myself flat on my face;
3. I want to be professional enough to complete all tasks well, because that's the standard I hold myself to, irrespective of what the organisation expects of me;
4. I need to prepare talking points to highlight my discomfort to the organisation, so that the next time they embark down this path, they do not treat someone like me, the way they have treated me.
In short, at present, I have the upper hand and moral high ground. I can take the high road, because that's who I am, but I must also call out what I perceive as disrespect, so that the organisation is also held to a higher standard.
As always, thank you blog, for listening!
No comments:
Post a Comment