Romance

I've called myself a romantic, incurable at best and implacable at worst, but of late, I'm wondering more and more what that means. I grew up in a practical family, where parents didn't have time for grand gestures of love for each other, but have stayed together nonetheless. Is that romantic? Perhaps not. So what was I looking for? Someone to sweep me off my feet? Not really - or at any rate, not any more. I quite like my feet and making my own decisions. I guess the part that appealed to me most was that someone would unexpectedly be drawn to you, and would want to be with you, no matter what. Disaster, disease, disability, disdain, none of this would push them away. In retrospect, completely stalker-ish.

So what is it? What do I want? I'll confess, I still miss the romantic, and at some level believe there are romantic men, but if a non-romantic man asked me what it is, what does he need to do? Indeed... what?

After much analysis, it turns out that it's what a man does that makes his woman feel special. Parts of it relate to her being a woman (therefore probably applicable across the board) but most of it relate specifically to her. For instance, most women like a man who opens doors for them, not because they cannot do it, but because it shows consideration. I do it myself, because it shows consideration. But If my husband gets to the door before me and opens it for me when I'm on the phone, that's romantic. When my husband knows that I don't like a particular vegetable much so ensures there's an alternative when it's prepared at his parents' place, that's romantic. Yes?

There's still something niggling, something that I only felt once in my life. I was in a bit of a flap due to some circumstances, and a person I was hanging out with (he is 3 years younger and I had very strict rules about these things those days) said to me, 'don't worry, I'm there.' He couldn't have done much to remedy the situation or anything, but it was just an assurance that he would be there through it. I felt more special than I wanted to in that situation, and whether he meant it or not... I began avoiding him.

I guess to me, given my various relationships, insecurity is the biggest challenge. I usually feel alone and when things start stacking up, that's the biggest fear - that I'll have to deal with it all alone.

So in the ultimate analysis, romance is what makes the other person feel special, and for me, the ultimate in romance is knowing that I'll never be alone. Now, if only my subconscious would react appropriately :)