And Men will be Boys

So... the more you work, the more you realise that you're the only girl/woman in some situations. Not a bad thing, but guys sometimes forget this. Leading to an overdrive of testosterone and a higher level of irritation. Irritation because men are boys. In large groups where they are not close friends they discuss the most mundane stuff. Cars, watches, girls... I can stomach the cars and watches, having some interest in cars myself. The girls part upsets me greatly. It upsets me as a woman, and it upsets me as a person who works fairly hard.

Yesterday, I went out with a bunch of the guys I'm working on this project with. They're fun and stuff, enjoyable to hang out with, but constantly checking out women. Ok, so you get past that and say to yourself that they're appreciating, what's the harm in that. Then we go to a club. There are several girls there who are dressed to party, and are clearly girly girls - slim and sexy. I'm trying to put down what I found offensive. Why don't I start with the setting. It's a club in a city outside India. A club that shuts down at 3:00 a.m. or so. There is a band that performs here, with a 'lead' singer who's Canadian. She's hot, and a lot of people hit on her. Apart from that, she's got all these men who want to be close to her. Married men, out for an evening of fun with their friends. They may go regularly, or they may go off and on. I also have no clue about whether she has any objections, but I find it hard to believe that she wouldn't. They're out of shape, they're Asian, they're short and have children who may be this girl's age. They put their hands on her waist and their heads on her shoulder. Maybe she enjoys it... It would be like Bar Girls in Bombay or the Thai Bar Girls. Maybe she does.

Then there are all these other girls. Girls that go out to clubs, well dressed, in gorups of girls only, accepting drinks from men, dancing with men, giving men their phone numbers. Men that they just met, men that maybe they meet regularly at these clubs. The understanding appears to be, I'm young and pretty, you havemoney and want company, let's get together. Maybe some of these go on to be more, but it all seems so shallow. The guys feel happy because they're in the company of pretty girls, the girls feel happy that they went out and partied, without spending much money. And yet, all these men are married. I doubt very much their wives are thinking 'Thank God he's gone out with other women to dance, I so don't want to dance with him!'

So the trauma for me is twofold. The first is that one day, SO will be like this, or in this position. Senior enough to be working like a dog and want to party hard when he's done for the day. Maybe it'll be different because SO hates dancing... so maybe it'll never be him.

The second is what is a working woman to do? I work hard as well, and I love to dance. But dancing requires either supreme confidence in yourself (i.e. not caring how you look) or a very safe environment. Partying with the people I work with, when I'm not in the best shape physically, is not much fun. I had a bit of a blast yesterday, 2 of the men I was with are good dancers. Meaning, if you let them lead, you have a pretty good time. You know how it is? Their upper arms are locked, so there's that pull, you'll only go so far out, they've got you. Both of them are married and I'm fairly certain their wives would love to dance with them. Just that this dancing, their night-out-on-town dancing, is not for themselves, it's for work. So, when they're with family, they won't do this.

But back to me now... What am I to do? These guys are my colleagues, I don't want to become a party girl for them, but I do like to party (i.e. dance). Does that mean I've to find other friends? The other irritation is that they're all so Male!

What is a girl to do?

The Woman and the Mind

So I've never pretended to be anything apart from a woman. And this woman, she's part atavistic and part... well, I want to say refined, but that might be too strong a word. Maybe evolved is the right word. I'd like to think that I'm a good person. A person who can see beyond animal urges. But then... maybe I'm not. I've met a couple of men recently. They're so 'man'ly that it borders on chauvanistic, but they're hot.

So here I am. The 'Woman' thinks that these men are hot and likes their company. The 'Mind' thinks that they're chauvanistic and... well problematic at many levels. An additional problem is that I work with these men. So they can't know what the Woman is thinking. And I need to watch how I communicate what the Mind is thinking.

Ah, the absolute joys of being a working woman! I guess there is a genuine upside to this. The various pheromones that the Woman gets, keeps the Mind relaxed and functioning effectively. The downside is that the Mind is constantly checking the Woman.

I guess I was unaware or unwilling to acknowledge how strong the Woman is. I'd like to spend some time on this. The Woman adds a very useful dimension to my job. There is a lot of empathy and patience that she brings. She also brings some genuineness. But at some bottom line, she's very elemental, reactions are very immediate. The Mind is able to bring some balance, actually a lot of balance. And even in this situation, they get to work together... to keep Me standing.

Of Friendship and Death

It seems odd that in the aftermath of the horrendous 4 days in Mumbai, I'm talking of friendship. I guess the real advantages of an anonymous blog is that nobody knows who I am, so if I say a friend died in that episode, it doesn't matter to anybody but me.

The reasons I'm talking only of my friend are many, but the core is that while the insanity was unravelling in Mumbai, I was rather blase in Bangalore. I knew that some strange shit was going down in Mumbai, but what the heck, it's Mumbai right? Far away from me, etc. But wait a minute... suddenly I found out my friend died. So here's the scene, I'm Blase in Bangalore, I've another set of friends in the US. They're even more blase, because what the hey, Mumbai's soooo far away. But then our friend dies.

In some senses it feels like a play. We're all happy, hunky-dory living our lives and suddenly we hear this. I could write a school play, where one by one, several characters go on about what this particular individual meant to them. Some good friends, some acquaintances, some loved him, some hated him... all of which is true. But does this mean that we've reached a state where we only feel, when something touches us directly? So all this empathy that I thought I had is actually nothing?

Quite apart from that, my friend and I had this weird bond. He would keep in touch a lot. I would reciprocate but never initiate. For some time because the amount of attention I would get made me uncomfortable, for some time because he married a person I wasn't too fond off, for some time because he divorced her and the reason why made me wary of him. And now, he's not around anymore.

I guess in some way I want to say goodbye to him. To the person that he was, steadfast. I remember a lot of things about him, but I think this piece was paramount. My friend was steadfast. If he thought something was right, he would tolerate no less, and he would appreciate 'right-mindedness' in everyone, everywhere. I will miss him a lot.