I feel a sense of well-being and completeness that I've actually never experienced before. I'm not exercising, I'm not actually eating healthy, I'm not being sensible for the most part, but I'm... confident. I now know what the basic rules of life are and I'm relieved.
Some time ago, I told SO that he should enjoy me as I am now, as it'll soon start going downhill. Why? Because right now, I know enough and am a nice/kind person. Why will this change? Because I will soon begin to feel that I know better than other people (I see this in my mother) and that will make me less nice/kind. I hope that this blog, my friends and my own mind/heart will keep me kind, but I cannot be sure.
What are the basic rules? That stuff happens, you can decide how you cope with it. You can also do and be anything you want, once you understand the risks and requirements and are willing to put in the effort. You may not have all the answers all the time, so make sure you consult someone. A trusted advisor is good, but in a pinch, the internet will do. Humility is key though, to always know that you may not have thought of everything and to check with other people for inputs that you may have missed.
Why have I reached this state? In the last month, a good friend got married in Neemrana. Also, my bestest friends met for a day. I also got to spend a lot of time with one of my best friends and had to deal with my growing discomfort with her ... I guess being judgemental/critical? When I met her, she was one of the sweetest and kindest people I knew. She rubbed off on me to a great extent, to where I began to be more social, genuinely interested in people and kind. In some ways I'm sad that she's moved away from this, but what is more concerning is that I will be more guarded in what I say to her because she is more critical than I need and I'm concerned that I'm giving her the wrong impression of people, leading to her treating them a certain way. When I say 'had to deal', I meant I had to come to terms with her as she is now, to learn how to manage this, without losing the friendship.
The real point of that paragraph though, was the wedding. When it was announced, I decided that we would drive from Gurgaon to the venue, because it's about 90kms and we would anyway be staying with another best friend in Gurgaon. This was at a time when the group included SO and my friend's husband. By the time the wedding rolled around, both the men dropped out. I didn't change my plans though, mainly because I didn't want to. We could have dropped the hire idea and instead got a taxi to drop us there, but I didn't see why we should. So I hired and drove an SUV sized vehicle to the wedding and back. I want to feel like this is special, but I'm not sure why it is. Perhaps because it was in a place that was not known to me? Perhaps because the area is generally seen as unsafe? But the driving was all during the day time and I was courteous and professional, and everybody I met was as well.
I have also, in the past w months of this year, acquired 1.5 motorcycles. 1.5 because one is fully mine, the other I share with SO. The one that is 'mine' is an absolute joy. It is practically my pride and joy, it was not hard at all to get used to and it makes me feel happy. The other one... is really new. It's huge and powerful and heavy and when we got it, I was terrified. Then I rode it for a bit, did some net research, spoke to a few people and am more comfortable. Not as comfortable as I am on 'mine' but getting there.
All of this has lead me to the conclusion that all you need is to be mindful. To think about what you want to do, evaluate the situation critically, assess risks and consequences, think about whether the risks and consequences are acceptable to you, check with someone else, make up your mind, then move forward. Occasionally, mistakes will be made, but if you've done all of this, they will be mistakes where were not obvious/stupid. Which is when you say 'stuff happens, I will cope', and move along.
The next thing I have to figure out is how I keep humble. Not in the sense of 'I am blessed', which is relatively easy, but in the sense of 'I'm not such a stud'.
Some time ago, I told SO that he should enjoy me as I am now, as it'll soon start going downhill. Why? Because right now, I know enough and am a nice/kind person. Why will this change? Because I will soon begin to feel that I know better than other people (I see this in my mother) and that will make me less nice/kind. I hope that this blog, my friends and my own mind/heart will keep me kind, but I cannot be sure.
What are the basic rules? That stuff happens, you can decide how you cope with it. You can also do and be anything you want, once you understand the risks and requirements and are willing to put in the effort. You may not have all the answers all the time, so make sure you consult someone. A trusted advisor is good, but in a pinch, the internet will do. Humility is key though, to always know that you may not have thought of everything and to check with other people for inputs that you may have missed.
Why have I reached this state? In the last month, a good friend got married in Neemrana. Also, my bestest friends met for a day. I also got to spend a lot of time with one of my best friends and had to deal with my growing discomfort with her ... I guess being judgemental/critical? When I met her, she was one of the sweetest and kindest people I knew. She rubbed off on me to a great extent, to where I began to be more social, genuinely interested in people and kind. In some ways I'm sad that she's moved away from this, but what is more concerning is that I will be more guarded in what I say to her because she is more critical than I need and I'm concerned that I'm giving her the wrong impression of people, leading to her treating them a certain way. When I say 'had to deal', I meant I had to come to terms with her as she is now, to learn how to manage this, without losing the friendship.
The real point of that paragraph though, was the wedding. When it was announced, I decided that we would drive from Gurgaon to the venue, because it's about 90kms and we would anyway be staying with another best friend in Gurgaon. This was at a time when the group included SO and my friend's husband. By the time the wedding rolled around, both the men dropped out. I didn't change my plans though, mainly because I didn't want to. We could have dropped the hire idea and instead got a taxi to drop us there, but I didn't see why we should. So I hired and drove an SUV sized vehicle to the wedding and back. I want to feel like this is special, but I'm not sure why it is. Perhaps because it was in a place that was not known to me? Perhaps because the area is generally seen as unsafe? But the driving was all during the day time and I was courteous and professional, and everybody I met was as well.
I have also, in the past w months of this year, acquired 1.5 motorcycles. 1.5 because one is fully mine, the other I share with SO. The one that is 'mine' is an absolute joy. It is practically my pride and joy, it was not hard at all to get used to and it makes me feel happy. The other one... is really new. It's huge and powerful and heavy and when we got it, I was terrified. Then I rode it for a bit, did some net research, spoke to a few people and am more comfortable. Not as comfortable as I am on 'mine' but getting there.
All of this has lead me to the conclusion that all you need is to be mindful. To think about what you want to do, evaluate the situation critically, assess risks and consequences, think about whether the risks and consequences are acceptable to you, check with someone else, make up your mind, then move forward. Occasionally, mistakes will be made, but if you've done all of this, they will be mistakes where were not obvious/stupid. Which is when you say 'stuff happens, I will cope', and move along.
The next thing I have to figure out is how I keep humble. Not in the sense of 'I am blessed', which is relatively easy, but in the sense of 'I'm not such a stud'.
