So... I clearly read a lot, and now there are blogs galore to read. One that makes me rather depressed is IndianHomeMaker's blog. That in this day and age, educated people should think and act like the email writers and some commentators on that blog make me sad. However, the one message she drives home strongly is that patriarchy is alive and well, and that it impacts men as well as women. I didn't believe that till earlier this morning.
What was I doing earlier this morning? I was thinking about 'male' and 'female' roles and how in patriarchy, the roles are important, not the individual. So as long as there is a woman to cook and clean, whether she is a cheerful person or has love in her heart does not matter. Similarly, as long as there is a man to till the fields and father the children, it does not matter whether he cares about his children's likes and dislikes, or his wife's backache.
By reinforcing any type of gender stereotype, we make it ok for people not to think about who they are, and who they want to be. It becomes alright for a man to say 'I go to work, bring home the money and pay the bills, I demand that the children keep silent and my wife cook food to my liking daily.' We do not stop to ask him whether he would want his children to keep silent for a while because they see that he is tired, and instead of shouting around him, they press his legs or shoulders. Or whether he would prefer his wife cooks food out of affection and not fear. Why? Because this would mean he has to do more, he has to invest himself, he has to think about what kind of person he wants to be.
Specifically I was thinking about what 'liberated' women mean to men. A woman like me who has an independent income and brain, do I really need a man? The simple answer to that question is no. I do not need someone to fulfill traditionally male roles in my life. What I need, or more accurately, want for myself, is a partner. Someone who will be a part of my life, not to share tasks (though that will also happen) but to share my life. As I will share their life. Someone who wants to make a life and future with me, not just share chores and bills.
And yet, as we consistently raise boys to think about growing up, getting a job and 'providing' we forget that they need to be people. They need to have a personality, and if they have a choice about being in a relationship, and about what kind of person they want to be in that relationship. This is what patriarchy does to men, it places no importance on them being a person.
What was I doing earlier this morning? I was thinking about 'male' and 'female' roles and how in patriarchy, the roles are important, not the individual. So as long as there is a woman to cook and clean, whether she is a cheerful person or has love in her heart does not matter. Similarly, as long as there is a man to till the fields and father the children, it does not matter whether he cares about his children's likes and dislikes, or his wife's backache.
By reinforcing any type of gender stereotype, we make it ok for people not to think about who they are, and who they want to be. It becomes alright for a man to say 'I go to work, bring home the money and pay the bills, I demand that the children keep silent and my wife cook food to my liking daily.' We do not stop to ask him whether he would want his children to keep silent for a while because they see that he is tired, and instead of shouting around him, they press his legs or shoulders. Or whether he would prefer his wife cooks food out of affection and not fear. Why? Because this would mean he has to do more, he has to invest himself, he has to think about what kind of person he wants to be.
Specifically I was thinking about what 'liberated' women mean to men. A woman like me who has an independent income and brain, do I really need a man? The simple answer to that question is no. I do not need someone to fulfill traditionally male roles in my life. What I need, or more accurately, want for myself, is a partner. Someone who will be a part of my life, not to share tasks (though that will also happen) but to share my life. As I will share their life. Someone who wants to make a life and future with me, not just share chores and bills.
And yet, as we consistently raise boys to think about growing up, getting a job and 'providing' we forget that they need to be people. They need to have a personality, and if they have a choice about being in a relationship, and about what kind of person they want to be in that relationship. This is what patriarchy does to men, it places no importance on them being a person.
