Since December 2012, there has been a lot said about women in India, men in India, growing up female in India etc. Some of it I agree with, a lot of it I don't. I will recognize, immediately, that I did not grow up in Delhi. I stayed in Delhi for 6 weeks at age 22 and the number of incidents of harassment I faced in those 6 weeks was bad, but not intolerable. I had to use more coping strategies than usual and I had to be more alert than usual, but I was not paralysed by fear. I also did not get PTSD.
On the contrary, I have, throughout my life, felt that I do not get noticed as 'female' much. I am not sure what it is, but people rarely treat me like a 'girl'. This was hurtful when boys that I had a crush on were not remotely interested in me, but I find it advantageous now, in the workplace, where my gender has become irrelevant, and in daily life, when I find I do not need to be anxious about strange men. Also, I am now old. In my mid-30s, I do not attract the kind of attention young women get, mostly for the beauty of their youth.
Have I been exempt from the various traumas of being a woman in India? Far from it, but the traumas were more personal. Like my family telling me that I have to clean up after the meal because I am a girl (extended family, not my own parents), like serving the boys when they eat and eating only after they finish. Maybe I've just forgotten, but I'm trying to remember a time when some public official failed to take me seriously because I am a girl. Maybe I just grew up in a polite city.
Though I must say, my city is a polite city. I have bought cigarettes and alcohol from regular shops, and while the vendors were not thrilled at the idea of selling cigarettes or alcohol to a girl by herself, they did not act as though I was 'loose'. Nor did their clientele. Are the men in my city angels? No, but by and large they are respectful. They look/stare, but in my experience, they have looked away when I noticed them staring. Also, I learnt that I have to continue doing what I want/need to do, irrespective of the staring. Eventually they get bored and move on.
I have travelled alone in India (admittedly not much) and have stayed in a semi-shady hotel by myself. The staff knew I was there by myself but I didn't face any trouble. Maybe it's an isolated incident?
I have also met incredible kindness from people, male and female. I have had punctures (bike and car) where random passers by have stopped to help me fix them, sometimes doing all the work and refusing any compensation. Merely to help, to gain karma I suppose.
What I find interesting is that I'm reviewing my life (so far) experiences of being a woman and I'm not afraid or scarred, and I'm wondering how that can be? Public opinion seems to be that it's vicious and brutal and ... scarring. But it's not. It does require courage, it requires awareness and alertness, it requires trusting that you can handle yourself and put up a good fight (probably helps that I'm significantly above average in height) should the need arise. Would it be better if I did not need these things? I don't think so. Growing up a woman in India has made me confident.
On the contrary, I have, throughout my life, felt that I do not get noticed as 'female' much. I am not sure what it is, but people rarely treat me like a 'girl'. This was hurtful when boys that I had a crush on were not remotely interested in me, but I find it advantageous now, in the workplace, where my gender has become irrelevant, and in daily life, when I find I do not need to be anxious about strange men. Also, I am now old. In my mid-30s, I do not attract the kind of attention young women get, mostly for the beauty of their youth.
Have I been exempt from the various traumas of being a woman in India? Far from it, but the traumas were more personal. Like my family telling me that I have to clean up after the meal because I am a girl (extended family, not my own parents), like serving the boys when they eat and eating only after they finish. Maybe I've just forgotten, but I'm trying to remember a time when some public official failed to take me seriously because I am a girl. Maybe I just grew up in a polite city.
Though I must say, my city is a polite city. I have bought cigarettes and alcohol from regular shops, and while the vendors were not thrilled at the idea of selling cigarettes or alcohol to a girl by herself, they did not act as though I was 'loose'. Nor did their clientele. Are the men in my city angels? No, but by and large they are respectful. They look/stare, but in my experience, they have looked away when I noticed them staring. Also, I learnt that I have to continue doing what I want/need to do, irrespective of the staring. Eventually they get bored and move on.
I have travelled alone in India (admittedly not much) and have stayed in a semi-shady hotel by myself. The staff knew I was there by myself but I didn't face any trouble. Maybe it's an isolated incident?
I have also met incredible kindness from people, male and female. I have had punctures (bike and car) where random passers by have stopped to help me fix them, sometimes doing all the work and refusing any compensation. Merely to help, to gain karma I suppose.
What I find interesting is that I'm reviewing my life (so far) experiences of being a woman and I'm not afraid or scarred, and I'm wondering how that can be? Public opinion seems to be that it's vicious and brutal and ... scarring. But it's not. It does require courage, it requires awareness and alertness, it requires trusting that you can handle yourself and put up a good fight (probably helps that I'm significantly above average in height) should the need arise. Would it be better if I did not need these things? I don't think so. Growing up a woman in India has made me confident.
