Of Friends...

Apparently Oscar Wilde said 'Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.' Several people have said stuff like this. To me, this means one of two things:

1. They're wrong; or
2. I'm not a woman.

When I was little, I had mainly male friends. Might be just because I have an elder brother who's just a year older. For a really long time we hung out together and had the same group. I went to an all girl's school, so made female friends along the way. Then to a co-ed school and college and now have many friends of both sexes. I also continue to make more friends of both sexes. What I've just (literally, just) realised is that it's easier to make friends with women on an on-going basis. With men/boys, you've to make friends at some strategic point.

Most of my male friends (and they're good friends) are from school and college. Times when we had plenty of bonding opportunities not related to technical discussions or alcohol. I will confess that in college sometimes it did relate to alcohol, but often times it was just talking. And after many years of talking, you apparently build a bond that's impossible to break.

I say apparently because last weekend I met a bunch of my friends, mostly male. I've not met some of them for 8+ years. But we're still the same. We still have fun together, are able to talk without inhibition, without taking offence. I miss them! And there's no passion, enmity or worship. Only friendship.

On a slightly different point, one of my friends from college is... treating himself badly. He's a dear friend, a boy's boy. I hadn't met him for absolutely ages, but I still feel for him like I did in college. Which is that he's a good friend and I enjoy spending time with him. I had an absolute blast, but he... drank way too much. Apparently he's also been very ill in the recent past. He'll do what he wants to, but I feel like asking him to keep himself going, for his friends and family. I don't want to lose another friend, especially where it is completely avoidable. I'm not sure how I communicate this to him, without completely pissing him off.

I also find that guys think it's easier to do stuff that their wives disapprove of in hiding, rather than either change or have a frank conversation with their wives. I wouldn't put it past SO to do the same, but I'd like to think I have given him enough security to tell me that he wants to do something (play video games all night, smoke cigarettes, drink like a fish, smoke dope, etc.) I may not agree with him, but my view is that it's his life and his health. I refuse to take responsibility for it, just like he refuses to take responsbility for mine (being fat, eating wrong, not exercising, etc.) I think this works and am not sure whether the other way is because it's convenient...

I guess the upshot is, I'd like to think that I'm a better wife than some others, but I'm fairly certain everybody's only doing the best they can for their own marriages... and I'm not a woman :)

On Roger Federer

So he lost yesterday. It was a very sad thing to watch, I thought he'd win all the way upto when he lost. Just one break down after winning the 4th set convincingly. I thought Rafa's tiring, Federer's still strong. Then came the break and eventually the break down. I believe that Federer handled last year because it was a bad year. Every athlete has bad years, times when things aren't going the way you need them to. He honestly believed this year would be different. He had a dream run upto the finals. He had a tough match that just suddenly fell apart.

And hats-off to Rafa. He knew that he had made Federer cry. The way Steffi Graf made Jana Novotna cry all those years ago. Federer watched Rafa snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. It hurt him cruelly, but he pulled himself together and made a speech.

What I'm hoping for now is that he can pull himself together and get through the year without a monkey on his back. Without thinking that Rafa's just better than him. But thinking that Rafa had a good day, a couple of bad calls, a couple of errors and it could have been Federer's good day.

What I took away from that match was that the two players, though different in style, are so well matched that it comes down to the last set, to who has a better game, to who has the better calls/challenges. I am indeed privileged to be living in the age of these players. To watch true sportsmen and athletes battle it out with all they've got. I just wish their hearts didn't break when they lose.